SO, many years ago, before the earth's crust had cooled (in 2007ish), I got in this post-birth nesting phase (I find it much easier to do these things when the baby is on the outside and can be put down) and started frantically Freecycling and craigslisting everything that wasn't nailed down in the house. In fact, things that were nailed down were occasionally wrenched out of the floor and sold anyway. EVERYTHING MUST GO. I don't even know why. I didn't even binge before I purged.
Anyway, the biggest items to head out the door were a set of coffee and end tables, because my two year old kept launching himself into orbit off them and I was 100% done with dragging them into the bathroom, beyond the gates, and then tripping over them when I went in there. Plus I didn't really love them and I was like, Tables, I will set you free. Via craigslist. And so I did. Good bye, fair tables. Some lady is coming to pick you up this afternoon.
And the doorbell rings, and this very adorable petite proper reserved Japanese (so many adjectives) lady is on my porch, here to view the teak tables. There are some water damage spots, I explain. I don't know if they can be repaired, but I will show them to you. "Oh, I am interested in restoring furniture, I do not mind some damage," she says. Okay! I say, but let me point them out anyway, I insist, and I bend down, clutching my little newborn, with my head at exactly her waist level and about 8 inches away from her. Here, I point, and here, and "Unexpectedly loud fart noise!" her area 8 inches from my head exclaims. "Whoop!" I bust out, totally startled. Then we both turn bright red and I straighten up and I'm stammering and she's BOWING and then I start bowing and then she's all, I'll take the tables! and starts dragging them out to the car and I'm trying to help and she's trying not to make eye contact and I'm all, let me help you! and she's all, no, no, it's fine, throwing money over her shoulder as she gets into the car and peels out of the driveway.
She shows up on Gmail chat sometimes and I always want to be like, "Toot!" or "Whoop!" Ha ha. /mean.