I confess that the other night I ordered truffle fries and I did ask the kitchen to puree them, nor did I ask the waiter to pre-chew them for me. What I am saying is: I blew it. I ate adult food. There were also some other tapas I don't remember and only one of those was pureed and I didn't even do that part on purpose.
I have been, however, doing all of the 30 minutes of spastic bouncing and then the 30 minutes of lifting "weights" (weights can be no more than 3 lbs, ever) and kicking like an injured donkey.
Speaking of the lifting no more than 3 lbs:
"Honey, I need you to carry this kitty litter upstairs."
He starts to walk toward me, totally willing, but then slows down when he sees me standing there, empty handed, and his joke-o-scope starts beeping or whatever it is that happens when he senses that I am full of crap. "Uh, okay. But are you serious?"
"YES. If I lift more than three pounds, I may engage some of the, like, larger muscles or whatever and then I will bulk up and be completely unlovable." (I may be paraphrasing but I am reasonably sure that's what the pamphlets were getting at.)
Anyway, I then carried the litter upstairs, but I wept silent tears for my poor, manly arm. The litter was 20 lbs. I'm no math genius, but that is 17lbs of rule breaking right there. (I did that math in my head, even! Nice!) 17 lbs! I am no goody goody (see: non-pureed fries), but that can't be good.
I'm so torn on this adventure. I desperately want to tell you that the 3-lb weight thing is utter fucking nonsense (hi, I've been lifting heavy [I even did a powerlifting meet!] for 4 years now and I'm not bulky...it's called being female and 'roid-less); but on the other hand, I absolutely do NOT want to deter your delightful return to posting. I love to read this nonsense!
ReplyDeletePretty much exactly what Sabrina said.
ReplyDelete